Leave Your Husband Out Of It

by Marcello (our guest guy writer)

Q. I’ve gained weight since I got married, and sometimes it makes me feel very unsexy. My husband still thinks I’m sexy and loves making love to me, but I have a strange feeling that he’s ‘just being nice’ and would rather have me thinner. I’ve heard that you should never say “I feel fat” to a man because then he might start thinking you are. I try not to talk about my weight gain and get upset about it around him, but sometimes I can’t help it—in a way I feel like I have to acknowledge it. Any advice?
–Voluptuous plus, Chicago, IL

A. It sounds as though the only one getting hurt here is you. You’re the one who’s upset. You’re the one with all the hidden fears. What if you took your husband’s answer at face value – that he still thinks you’re sexy? You’re left with what’s really at issue: you don’t like the way you look.

If your weight gain makes you feel “very unsexy” then what’s stopping you from taking up exercise and losing that weight? You seem to be craving change, so don’t use your husband as a reason (or an excuse) to do or not do something.

Your husband sounds like a great guy. If I were him I would want to know what you’re really feeling. You don’t need his approval to feel better about yourself, but you can enlist his support. If the goal is to create a sexier, slimmer (and most importantly) a more self-aware you – he’d be a fool not to find a way to help.