A “good girl” is not always what one might think. She’s not square, nor is she a prude (the endurance of her chastity shouldn’t define her). Don’t be fooled by how she dresses either as they aren’t all librarians. What makes a girl “good” is her character, not her looks.

A good girl will try new things. She’ll meet you halfway. She’s sensitive, willing to listen and eager to challenge, but she is respectful of others and demands the same. A good girl won’t beg. She won’t chase a guy. A man has to invite her to join in. If he shares something of himself she’ll do the same.

Above all – a good girl is honest. Not unlike what the Irish call “a good man,” this kind of woman is a great listener, a straight-talker and not one to impose her will unjustly. There are a lot of them out there.

So, what does a man say to a good girl? I recommend saying “hello.” If he’s a good guy…the rest will take care of itself.
 

It sounds as though the only one getting hurt here is you. You’re the one who’s upset. You’re the one with all the hidden fears. What if you took your husband’s answer at face value – that he still thinks you’re sexy? You’re left with what’s really at issue: you don’t like the way you look. 

If your weight gain makes you feel “very unsexy” then what’s stopping you from taking up exercise and losing that weight? You seem to be craving change, so don’t use your husband as a reason (or an excuse) to do or not do something.

Your husband sounds like a great guy. If I were him I would want to know what you’re really feeling. You don’t need his approval to feel better about yourself, but you can enlist his support. If the goal is to create a sexier, slimmer (and most importantly) a more self-aware you – he’d be a fool not to find a way to help.
 

- Rachel, San Diego

Your girlfriend is right. Nobody’s going to respond to you unless you step forward and say, ‘here I am. This is me.’ Would you respond to a guy who wrote to you while hiding behind his buddy’s online profile?

You can continue relying on fate (no shame in that). But if you really want a date – and fate isn’t playing ball – you have to ask yourself…is what I’m doing working? It’s time to step up and try something new to get what you want. Who knows, if you dare to ask – someone’s bound to answer.
 

 

-- Liz, Portland, OR

 

Let me ask you: What does virginity mean to you? It doesn’t matter what your friends think…what do you want? If you really don’t want to have sex – then don’t. It doesn’t sound like you’re holding onto your virginity for any particular spiritual or moral reasons. You just want to find a good guy, right? Please don’t tell me you’re holding out for “The One.” Do that and you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment (and yet more celibacy).

I don’t know the particular reasons why you haven’t had a date in ages…but I suspect it’s because you’re holding out that virginity like a prize to be won. If you really want a guy’s perspective on this, here you go: Find a guy you know and like. He should be at least reasonably attractive to you. Flirt with him, let him know you like him – and then have sex with him. Try it; you might like it. Most of us don’t mind being used for such purposes.

Can you recall the first time you stood on a diving board? The distance to the water suddenly seemed so far below – it looks too scary to dive in headfirst, so instead you cannonball in (nobody does a perfect swan dive the first time). I'm not saying you should just hold your nose and get it over with. But if you'd like to have sex, you first must demystify it. Remember what happened when you came up for air? You said, I gotta do that again.
 

 

 

Don’t make frugality a reason to stay home. You have to make yourself available. The good news is that you a lot of options and they’re not all bars. Bars are fine when you want to hang with your friends. But for meeting new people – with all the distractions, noise and competition – not so much. And remember, where there is alcohol there are beer goggles. 

Real connections develop through shared interests and activities. Join a club. Take a class. Go to a few parties (even when you don’t want to go out). While you work from home, is there an option to go to an office every now and then, if only to reach out and touch other living beings? The point is to make the effort to get out of your habitual comfort zone, i.e. your home/office cave and prove to the world – and to yourself – that you exist. 

All of these options, by the way, cost little money and can only benefit you whether you meet someone or not. Save your bar tab cash to spend on a hot dress or new haircut. When you do go out for drinks, he’ll be paying.
 

While I’ve never seen their pet cat…if it worked for these folks, who’s to argue with success? 

 

I really want to cut off my hair, but my boyfriend loves it long.  Why are guys obsessed with long hair?  And, how can I convince him that I’ll still look cute with a pixie do?
-  Lady Godiva, Irvine, CA

 

Clearly your boyfriend is no Hemingway. Yes, the legendary man’s man was crazy for women with short hair, and he often encouraged his long-haired ladies to cut it all off. I dated several women who did the same, and they all found the change empowering. Perhaps this is what disturbs some men…when their woman shears her long locks, she sheds one of the most classic identifiers of femininity and becomes…a boy?

Nonsense. When a woman gets a pixie cut – it emphasizes her face, her eyes, her neck and even her body. Do you remember Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies? (wow!)  No wonder so many women find a short cut empowering – and it sounds like you’re ready for the transformation.

I’m guessing you’ve already shown him photos of famous short-haired beauties such as Rihanna, Halle Berry, Jean Seberg (see above photo) and, of course, Louise Brooks. He’s still not convinced? Then there’s probably only one way to prove it – and that’s to go ahead and cut it. Do it. Prove him wrong and please yourself.
 

Simply put, do guys like stockings and tights? 
- Belinda, New Paltz, NY
 

 

Not so simply put: It depends. A quick search of the Internet under “stockings and tights” will reveal a virtual international clubhouse of male fans devoted to all manner of leg covering. Try “mukluks with miniskirts” and see what happens. But I digress. If you’re talking those heavy, knitted tights that look really itchy to touch: Yuck, I say, on behalf of all of us. They’re designed to cover you up (and keep you warm, I suppose) – so why not go all the way and cover them up, too. Tights and a short skirt, however, or stockings along the Bettie Page model are universally (and obviously) enjoyed.

In the end, what we want to see when you wear stockings and tights are your legs. If they flatter you and your legs – by all means – pull them on.
 

Lingerie, you ask? YES is the answer. I know of no man who wouldn’t agree that women should wear more lingerie. And shopping for it together is a blast, believe me. It's important to remember, however, that this trip is not like picking out new tile for the bathroom – it is an opportunity for seduction. Be prepared to try on some things that he’d like to see on you. Be adventurous. Take some risks. Definitely show him a little something while he’s there with you (although not too much, right?) And go at least halfway toward satisfying his fantasies. Here's something that really drives us wild... wear some of the best stuff right out of the store and then tease us with a few choice glimpses on the way home. Take my advice and I promise, you will see one very happy man driving very quickly.

 

One last thing...before you leave the store, make sure he pays for it.

 

Q. When a girl makes eye contact should she wait for him to walk over? I recently talked to a guy who said he is turned off by women who approach him.
 - Beth, New York, NY

 
A. Maybe that kind of advice makes sense in Mr. Sad Sack’s Lonelyhearts Club, but put plain and simple: He’s very wrong. Men are incredibly encouraged by women unafraid to start up a conversation. It takes the pressure off us having to always make the first move and risk being mocked by our buddies. In fact, just saying hello makes us feel like we’ve done something right. Go ahead and flirt. Invite seduction. Challenge him, have fun, and move on if he’s too intimidated. You have enormous power to attract just by moving closer – why not use it?

 

Q. What are some sure fire signs that a guy is ready to take the big leap into living together or even marriage?
- Vicky, Warren, MI
 

A. If you’re at the stage in a relationship where you’re regularly picking his underwear off the floor, he’s probably already living with you, which is a sure fire sign that you should start asking for rent money.

Moving on to marriage, if he brings up the subject in the positive – the guy is ready – very ready. Does he fix stuff in the house? That’s good. Does he actually remodel it? Even better. Does he voluntarily attend open houses, take you to housewares stores or consult your calendar before making plans? These are all solid gold signs of nesting behavior in the male species. You may now declare open season on marriage discussions. If, however, you observe such behavior in your boyfriend, yet he’s still reticent to talk marriage, he is either:

1.    already well into the buying-you-a-ring/planning-where-he’ll-propose stage

2.    already married to someone else

3.    still dealing with his mommy issues

Don’t worry, it’s probably reason #1.

 

A: Should he pay? Yes. Why should he pay? Because.

 

 

- Kristen, Schenectady, NY

 

A: Assuming you didn’t lie (too much) on your online profile, you should look and dress for the role of you. So if you're the folksy chick who sells her own homespun alpaca hats at Burning Man – I doubt he's expecting to see you wearing high heels. Are you a principal at your law firm who also likes to rock climb on the weekends? I’d like to see how those two parts of your life reconcile themselves on your bod. 

Try to wear at least one thing that tells a story. One item that invites questions so that you can tell him more about you (that he hasn’t already fantasized about). It could be a piece of jewelry, a tattoo, a short skirt and hiking boots…

And if you’re wondering whether you should wear something “sexy,” well, we all want to see "sexy." But considering how many people confuse sexy with trashy – on a first date it pays to show it off in moderation. Apply that one storytelling item of clothing to focus on the body part (ankle, shoulder, neck, etc) you know to be most worthy of a retelling.