Wedding

Q. I loved wearing my wedding gown on my wedding day. It’s an ivory, strapless, floor-length Nicole Miller gown that I bought in the evening wear section of Nordstrom, so it isn’t super bridal-no lace, beading or tulle, just sleek silk satin. Before I got married, I thought that by buying a white evening gown instead of a wedding dress I’d have more opportunity to wear it again, but anytime I consider wearing it, it seems too bridal. Should I just give up hope of wearing it again and pack it away for future generations, or is there any way I can accessorize it to make it less “here comes the bride?” Thanks for any help, I love your site.
-Always a Bride

Alison: Saving the dress for future generations is risky - a lot of care must be taken to store it properly and you can’t be sure your descendants will want to wear it, so my suggestion is to find a way to wear it again. If you can’t get the wedding march out of your head every time you slip on your white evening gown, consider taking it to a tailor and ask if the fabric can be dyed a darker color. Or have a good tailor shorten the length of the dress to cocktail length and you’ll be assured that the dress will look different. You should make a change since it’s likely that you’ll wish to wear the dress to an event with people who attended your own wedding. Another benefit of making the change is that your dress and wedding memories will always be significant to that day. Have fun mixing up color in your accessories like bejeweled strappy heels, a colorful clutch and dangling earrings. A pretty wrap or fitted cashmere cardigan can also help change the look of the dress.

Q. I have a black tie wedding in Chicago. Do I have to wear a long dress?
-Formal Fear

Alison: Black tie does not require wearing a long gown anymore, but the invite does expect you to wear a sophisticated, elegant and feminine dress. Think upscale cocktail dress, with a hem that hits around the knee or just below it. Skip animal prints, white dresses, mini lengths, chunky jewelry and your everyday handbag. Carry a clutch, put on your best jewelry that works with the dress, pull on your heels, walk with good posture and smile often.

Q. Would you please clarify whether it is appropriate to wear white to a wedding? I have a dress that is cocktail length in white and has a black 6-inch lace band around the middle. I was planning to wear a black sheer jewel wrap and black shoes. The bride is wearing white and the wedding ceremony is not at a church, but at the reception hall.
- Guest in White

Alison: It’s always best to leave the focus in white on the bride. While your dress has a black band, it would still be better to wear any other color. And unfortunately the accessories are not distraction enough since you may remove the wrap for the festivities.

Q. I’m having a dilemma with my mother. I want to know if wearing a gold dress with black leggings would look nice for a beach wedding in Mexico.
-Shine On

Alison: NO black leggings at a beach wedding in Mexico. And what kind of gold dress? What kind of material? Go for a fun, flowy colorful sun dress or maxi dress if you want to cover your legs. It’s going to be hot and you’ll want to wear something light and adorable.

Q. I just picked out the most beautiful Lazaro bridesmaid dress in champagne. The only problem is: I have no idea how to accessorize them. Just earrings or a necklace as well? What color shoes? Any suggestions?
-Accessory Challenged

Alison: Feel free to choose between earrings and a necklace or choose both, but please don’t buy one of those matching sets of earrings and necklace. Do you really need the bridesmaids to wear exactly the same jewelry? If you’re concerned about their taste level, then suggest they wear earrings of their own choice, but nothing too big or over the top and skip a necklace, which may distract from the dress. Unless you intend to buy your bridesmaids the jewelry to go with the dress, remember it can become a big expense to buy the dress, jewelry and shoes that you expect them to wear. As for shoes, something strappy or a high-heeled sling back. I like a champagne, pale gold or sophisticated cream heel.

Q. I have been searching for answers all over the internet, and I came across your page. I am attending my fiance’s sister’s wedding in a month and we are part of the wedding party. We will be attending the rehearsal dinner, and I am not sure what to wear. In order to complement what my fiance is wearing, I came across an ivory colored dress. Is that inappropriate to wear to the rehearsal dinner? The day of the wedding I am wearing blue, and I don’t want to wear blue again the night before. Help! What are the dress rules for the rehearsal dinner and also for the brunch the morning after the wedding?
-Ivory Intimidation

Alison: As long as you’re not wearing a competing white or ivory the day of the wedding, then feel free to wear the ivory dress to the rehearsal dinner. There should be no expectation to wear blue the night before to match the day of the wedding as well.

Q. I bought this dress to wear to my niece’s wedding in June, it’s a daytime ceremony (3:00 p.m.). It is not formal, but I want to look nice. My question- is this dress too young for me? I am 43, although I’ve been told I don’t look it. Does that make a difference? I absolutely love this dress. I’ve been searching forever for something and, while I don’t want to dress to look like I’m trying to be a twenty something (or even thirty), I don’t want to look like an old woman.
-Feeling Young

Alison: You love the dress, so go for it! So much of what makes up one’s personal style is attitude and confidence. It’s not mini, it’s not baring your midriff, so it’s just right for your YOUNG age of 43.

Woohoo, I’m married!

I recently took the plunge and I’m high on the excitement of it all. Just an update on the guy, my guy, he’s simply amazing. You know, when you read about it or see it in one of those movies or some expert gives us advice about a relationship that just seems to good to be true, well, I got it. All right, it’s sappy (insert vomit bag here for all you naysayers), but I’m happy and I wish many of you the best of luck in finding the right man too.

Onto the wedding planning—I knew with my organizational skills I could do most of the research and leg work, but I’ll admit wedding planning is not all cake and roses. After choosing the venue, flowers, dessert (we went with bundt cakes), photo locations, stationery (kind of tedious, but weddingpaperdivas.com was my answer) and much more we chose a wedding coordinator to make the rest happen on the day of our big day. Phew!

The best part of planning was the dress and the food tasting. Gorgeous and yum.

I didn’t want a traditional wedding dress, nor did I want a white dress. I wanted a dress that didn’t scream wedding, but rather spoke of glamour with a hint of Grace Kelly. And French designer Lloyd Klein was THE answer. He didn’t have me go through the racks instead he sketched 33 possibilities and we chose a beautiful pale pink/peach one shoulder draped gown. The House of Lloyd Klein has dressed some of Hollywood’s greatest and latest like Kate Beckinsale, Sarah Jessica Parker, Toni Collette, Renee Zellweger, Vanessa Williams, Becky Newton, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Eva Longoria, and Hayden Panetierre. And upon completion we realized I could wear this again—like on the red carpet with as he said, ”a little tweaking.”

For dessert, we wanted several flavor choices. I’m a bit of a sweet freak. I fib; I am a full throttle sweet fiend. I will gladly tell you where the best cupcakes can be found and which flavors are better at each boutique to the best chocolate chip cookies and ice cream sundae. (Side note: In LA go to Milk for the blondie ice cream sundae and cookies and to Café 101 diner for the brownie waffle.) And when you want the ultimate delicious success you go to Kiss My Bundt. We chose three flavors for everyone to be able to try—maple with maple glaze (tastes like the best damn pancake you’ve ever had and Owner Chrysta Wilson makes a maple bacon version), red velvet with cream cheese frosting and marble cake with vanilla butter cream frosting. We rented a wooden multi-tier display and chose a white fabric with silver beading to wrap the tier.

When it came to photography I patted myself on the back for hiring Michele M. Waite. Being a former magazine fashion director I wanted to skip the stereotypical cheese of wedding photography. I kid you not when I write that I researched 36 different photographers in the LA area that ranged in price from $4,000 to over $8,000 and nobody really moved me. One photo on our wedding coordinator’s blog, simplymodernweddings.com lead me to Michele M. Waite (michelenwaite.com) and we flew her down from Bellingham, WA. She’s phenomenal, her site rocks, and she didn’t cost me any more than I would have paid locally.

Location, location, location. Photos should be more than just the church and family. We location scouted ahead of time and sent her photos-the public cove at Terranea Resort in Rancho Pales Verde, the field next to the chapel, the Santa Monica Pier and our own front yard with green high hedges.

When it comes to stationery I was exhausted after spending 10 minutes looking through the shelves of binders filled with Kate Spade to Crane Company invitations at my local paper shop. An hour and a half later I was cranky, bored and hadn’t found the right combination. We stopped at several more stationery shops for the next two days coming up with plans to print our own to save money or succumb to the overpriced packages even when it didn’t fit our look. AND then after a few hours on the Internet I found my solution at weddingpaperdivas.com. I could choose from an endless array of styles, choose specialty colors, fonts, and even change, for example, a reception card into a card about our website. Additionally they constantly had sales so we saved on printing out our menus and thank you cards as well. They were really on top of the printing process with calls and emails to ensure we liked our pieces.

Another quick tip: don’t hesitate to consider renting additional, color-specific linens to substitute for the ones you are given automatically by the venue. We chose a silver-gray color to enhance the color scheme we chose for our wedding, including peach, pink, yellow and silver.

What to know as you plan:

Couple’s Website:
Set up a website for you and your fiancé with all the info about the ceremony, reception, directions and more. TheKnot.com is an ideal source for creating a wedding site since it’s all there for you and simply choose the template, add a few photos and add the info.

Registry:
This is a place where you can subtly add in your registry information. If you create your own website or use another site to help DO NOT place our registry info on the home page—tacky. And do not put your registry info with the invitation. Listen, everyone knows to give a wedding gift and when he or she get around to shopping for it, they’ll ask you, a close friend or find on your site where you’re registered.

NOTE to those invited: Unless you are a close friend search their registry first. The couple chose those items for a reason; they want those items. If the registry is dwindling and all that left is a bunch of pot holders and spatulas then give them a call, email or talk to one of their close friends and find a different gift to give, like membership to a wine or cake of the month club, multiple yoga classes, a Kindle downloaded with several bestsellers, camping gear for the couple who loves the great outdoors or kick ass seats to a concert. And don’t dismiss the power of a slim wallet filled with gift cards to Amazon.com, The Home Depot, TJ Maxx and Starbucks or simply an exquisite orchid with an Amex gift card.

Important note to gift giver and gift receiver: Invited: Take care of the gift giving within three months. The longer you wait, the more awkward it will be the next time you see the newlyweds. For Newlyweds: take care of those thank you notes within a month of the honeymoon. Believe me, people talk. My mother and her friends routinely check in with each other to ask if thank notes were received.

As for Daysun and me, we already have everything we need for our home from china to wine glasses to towels so when people inquired we suggested a gift towards our honeymoon to Fiji & Australia. Upon returning from our amazing honeymoon, we shared an album of photos on Facebook and wrote thank you cards to each friend and family member with notes on what their gift allowed us to explore and enjoy like a picnic on a deserted sandbar to snorkeling the Great Barrier Reef. (Thanks again friends and family.)

Wedding Coordinator:
Whether you have the money to hire someone from the start to alleviate the stress or just need a little extra help a wedding coordinator can be invaluable. We hired Christina Wright from Simply Modern Weddings when we saw her in action at another wedding. We chose to have her take care of the actual big day and finalize contracts once we made choices. She rocked. I’m so organized and she matched me perfectly. She coordinated the whole day with a seamless timeline and the day was flawless, fun and stress free. I didn’t have to think about a thing, just show up and smile. And get married!

Cocktails before the reception:
If you have cocktails before your official reception starts be sure to offer some of your guests seats. No girl wants to wear out their standing in heels before they dance time frame. We had our reception at the Loews Santa Monica specifically because of their view of the beach, ocean and Santa Monica Pier brightly lit at night. We loved the terrace at Loews so we rented sleek white leather lounge furniture to add on the terrace along with cocktail tables.

Bridesmaids/Groomsman:
It is not a requirement or the essential building blocks to a successful wedding to have wedding party. 90% of your female friends would rejoice if you chose to skip having a wedding party. Truthfully, it just depletes our bank account to buy a bridesmaids dress of someone else’s choosing, pay for a bridal shower, bachelorette party, multiple gifts and travel.

If you choose bridesmaids, cut down on the number of ladies you choose and please don’t try to turn them into replicas of each other. Choose a dress that comes in various styles so your friends can choose a style that best fits their body type like halter for busty girls to an a-line bottom half for pear shapes. Stick with just the dress that coordinates them all and make a suggestion for the color of heels, not the actual shoes, to pair with the dress. DO NOT make them all wear the same heels and jewelry. These are your friends not paper dolls cutouts. They are there to share your celebration not report for boot camp.

Ceremony:
Used to be you had your dad, your brother, some man walk you down the aisle to give you to your new husband. Consider breaking the old stereotypes. If you’re close with your mom have her walk you down. OR have both parents escort you, OR shine all on your own down the aisle and have your husband-to-be come meet you halfway and walk the rest together.

Toasts:
Sure there’s the customary toasts from a guy and girl in your wedding party, but if you buck the trend like we did you can ask your charming, creative, clever friends to come up with an inventive ”toast” at your wedding. We had our two dear friends; Jordan Feldman and Tracy Metro add some hilarity at our wedding. Tracy bounced from roasting us to intimate notes and Jordan wrote new lyrics to REO Speedwagon’s, TK to sing how we needed to take him on our honeymoon. He offered to be our personal valet and personality prostitute.

Wardrobe Change:
A wedding dress can be a bit cumbersome when you really want to hit that dance floor. So there’s nothing wrong with a girl making a wardrobe change once the important photos have been taken.

We plan to go forth and enjoy life!

Photographer: Michele M. Waite (michelemwaite.com)
Chapel: Wayfarers Chapel
Reception: Loews Santa Monica Beach
Wedding Coordinator: Christina Wright (simplymodernweddings.com)
Flowers: La Vie En Rose (lavieenrosela.com)
DJ: Red Shoe (redshoela.com)
Dessert: Kiss My Bundt (kissmybundt.net)
Dresses: Lloyd Klein, Valentino
Shoes: Rene Caovilla
Menswear: Hugo Boss, Paul Smith & Ralph Lauren Purple Label

The date is just a few weeks away, the dress is complete and yet there still seems like lots of little details to take care of before the date looms even closer. Place cards, welcome bags, wedding vows, oh my! Besides the joy I feel of spending my life with a truly wonderful man, shopping for accessories with my dress is quite exciting.

First up, the shoes. No dyeables for my feet. This is my chance to go glam and unexpected with the shoes since the dress is far from Cinderella poofiness. It’s a stunner all on it’s own without even a body in it. I’m a lucky girl to have French couture designer Lloyd Klein make me a couture gown that could easily grace an A-list celeb on the red carpet at the Oscars. So while there’s no chance for an Oscar I’ll carry my flowers with a big ass smile on my face. Watch out pageant queens, my smile and walk will out shine you all in my pale peach confection of perfection.

Shoes, shoes, shoes
Truly a splurge

Christian Louboutin, $745
bergdorfgoodman.com

Jimmy Choo, $775
saks.com

Jimmy Choo, $595
bergdorfgoodman.com

Christian Louboutin, $1,695
bergdorfgoodman.com

Obviously I have a pattern when shopping for glam that includes Jimmy and Christian. And may I remind all readers, it’s my wedding day. I fall off any scale in how far I am from a bridezilla. I’ve been calm, organized and just can’t wait to get it all done and relax and then of course party! So while shopping at Neiman Marcus I couldn’t take my eyes off designs by Rene Caovilla. Each time I handed my finely dressed salesman a pair he came back and said, “Sorry no size 8 1/2.” And then he emerged carrying a box with a glorious pair of heels that had just arrived and hadn’t even been brought out for viewing yet. They couldn’t be found on any website yet and they were THE PAIR. The photo below does not do them justice. They are amazing-shimmering and shiny with a dash of disco on the bottom. Three men speed walked to where I sat in the shoe department to compliment how gorgeous they looked. They are not your stereotypical bridal shoes and everyone at the house of Lloyd Klein gasped with a satisfied glee at how well the heels complimented the drape and color of the dress. I’m not telling how expensive they were, I’ll just say they were a splurge like Jimmy and Manolo and Christian are.

Rene Caovilla

A Little Cover
Before Lloyd Klein made an exquisite wrap for my dress for those just in case chilly moments, I shopped for a little cover for when the sun goes down.

Something vintage came to mind
A little mink cape for over the shoulders from RubyLane.com

Hair
So the plan, assuming the plan comes together will be for a modern, fuller version of Veronica Lake style hair. And the talented Theodore Leaf, hopes to pin in a little something on the side.

I’m gushing over this transformative piece from Jennifer Behr—you get the veil without succumbing completely. Tres chic and romantic, but also expensive for a hair piece. If I had time to be crafty I’d possibly try to create a special piece, but I’m a little too nervous to trust myself to a glue gun with only a few weeks before the big day.

jenniferbehr.com for $675

These are sweet, but I’m still pondering.

haircomesthebride.com for $26

haircomesthebride.com for $109

Carry
And then a bride like myself still needs a small extraordinary bag for lip gloss, a little powder and a few tissues.

I’m considering vintage, but these look good too.

Laura Merkin, $325
neimanmarcus.com

nordstrom.com for $48

The Jewels
Since I’m skipping a necklace, the earrings will be the focal point in accessories, so I’m shopping for them first. Then I’ll search for a bracelet or cocktail ring.

Debeers

rentyourrocks.com/uk

And then there’s always “something old” with my love of vintage from my favorite vintage store, The Way We Wore in Los Angeles.

And the earrings I chose-Miriam Haskell from The Way We Wore

Unfortunately a bad photo. The photo misses how lovely and chanel-ish they are.

OOPs! Were you expecting to see the dress in all it’s gloriousness? Well, I can’t share a pic until after the wedding since my wonderful fiance does read my site.

Next shopping foray is for our honeymoon in Fiji and Australia. Luckily, I’ll have a week in between the wedding and honeymoon to focus on that.