Posts Tagged ‘dating’

By Marcello (our guest guy writer)

Q: I met a guy in a European pub over a year ago, during two high drama hours at a bar (friend got in an accident). We’ve kept in touch online ever since, casually communicating. No talk of romantic interest on either side, but consistent friendly emailing. Now he’s invited me to visit him for a long weekend. I’m going for the travel opportunity, and for hell of it - but not sure what to expect. What’s your gut tell you? Is he potentially interested? Or just looking for a friend?
- Passport Experimenter, Hackensack, NJ

Dear Passport Experimenter: There’s something about “long weekend” that says there is a romantic potential in his offer. It’s enough time to let things develop naturally, but (hopefully) not too long to get on each other’s nerves.

It sounds like you’re both casual in your interest. As long as you don’t have any deep expectations either way, I would suggest that you go with your gut. If you’re attracted to him, throw a little caution to the wind and pursue what could, at the very least, be three days of all kinds of fun.

Have a question of your own to ask our guy? Send it to Marcello at [email protected]

by Marcello (our guest guy writer)

Q: I am a single, very attractive, sane and balanced 40 year-old mother. I have married friends who have single male friends they want to set me up with but these men seem to get very freaked out by the thought of a set-up. They appear want to stay single (or do it their way?) rather than meet a woman their friends really think he’d dig. What’s up with that?
- Karen, Boise, ID

Dear Karen:
Set-ups can be intimidating, even amongst friends. In fact, I wonder if these guys are holding off simply because they don’t want to disappoint their friends in case it doesn’t work out. Such sensitivity has been known to exist in the male species.

In addition, it probably won’t surprise you to learn that some guys aren’t into dating women who have kids. If things progress beyond casual dating, that guy will also have to start a relationship with your children (and perhaps your ex, as well). Not everyone is ready for that many relationships right away.

It’s not all bad news, however. Why not suggest to your married friends that they invite you and these awesome single men to a party? They can make those vital introductions in a casual setting – and where both you and the guys are free to mingle with whomever you wish. It will seem less like a set-up, and more like a pressure-free meeting of (soon-to-be) mutual friends.

Oh, and one more suggestion for the marrieds: when they host the event, let you subtly play the star.

Have a question of your own to ask our guy? Send it to Marcello at [email protected]

By Marcello (our guest guy writer)

Q: I don’t have sex EVER on the first date (ever, ever, ever!), but recently four girls I know have and now they all are dating the guy they went home with on the first date and I am still single! I find it completely perplexing….
- Tracy, 28, Seattle

Dear Tracy: I don’t profess to know what your average woman wants when heading out on a first date. But I can tell you what’s number one on a man’s agenda: have sex. So, let’s say he manages to succeed in his quest. I guarantee, the next morning, that guy’s thinking he’s some kind of sexual genius.

There’s nothing really wrong with this scenario. It seems to have worked out for your girlfriends (at least for a while). But let’s be realistic: every man has an “inner douchebag” whose lady-killing prowess is legendary. By granting him fast track access to the prize, you will have unleashed the “ID.” And for some, the ID takes over.

This is, of course, the classic reason for the “no sex on the first date” rule. The guy won’t respect you, right? Well, let’s forget about guys and our simple needs for a second…what do you want? What’s stopping you from having sex on a first date? Don’t let the presence of ID keep you from doing what you want to do. It’s your choice.

The point is, there is no (pardon the expression) hard and fast rule about this. If you have sex with him right away, acknowledge there is some ID at play and proceed accordingly. Maybe you’ve already experienced the best he’s got.

Here’s a strategy of sorts. If you’ve just met someone and there are real sparks between you, wait until the second date. If he’s elusive to meet up again, you’ll know his ID Force is strong. But if you can get together at a time that fits your both your schedules - even that short time apart should build enough distance for the two of you to be both objective and eager to recapture what you felt the first time.

Have a question of your own to ask our guy? Send it to Marcello at [email protected]

From the Poor House to the Pour House

by Marcello (our guest guy writer)

Q. So I’d love to date more often, but I work from home and don’t make a lot of money. I have to be frugal so going out several times a week to bars is not an option for meeting guys. Any suggestions?
- Victoria, New York City

A. Don’t make frugality a reason to stay home. You have to make yourself available. The good news is that you a lot of options and they’re not all bars. Bars are fine when you want to hang with your friends. But for meeting new people – with all the distractions, noise and competition – not so much. And remember, where there is alcohol there are beer goggles.

Real connections develop through shared interests and activities. Join a club. Take a class. Go to a few parties (even when you don’t want to go out). While you work from home, is there an option to go to an office every now and then, if only to reach out and touch other living beings? The point is to make the effort to get out of your habitual comfort zone, i.e. your home/office cave and prove to the world – and to yourself – that you exist.

All of these options, by the way, cost little money and can only benefit you whether you meet someone or not. Save your bar tab cash to spend on a hot dress or new haircut. When you do go out for drinks, he’ll be paying.

What’s Inside a Good Girl?

by Marcello (our guest guy writer)

Q. How can you tell a “good girl” when you see one? Then: what do you tell her?
- M.J., Maine

A. “good girl” is not always what one might think. She’s not square, nor is she a prude (the endurance of her chastity shouldn’t define her). Don’t be fooled by how she dresses either as they aren’t all librarians. What makes a girl “good” is her character, not her looks.

A good girl will try new things. She’ll meet you halfway. She’s sensitive, willing to listen and eager to challenge, but she is respectful of others and demands the same. A good girl won’t beg. She won’t chase a guy. A man has to invite her to join in. If he shares something of himself she’ll do the same.

Above all – a good girl is honest. Not unlike what the Irish call “a good man,” this kind of woman is a great listener, a straight-talker and not one to impose her will unjustly. There are a lot of them out there.

So, what does a man say to a good girl? I recommend saying “hello.” If he’s a good guy…the rest will take care of itself.