Ask Alison

Go Ahead and Cut It

by Marcello (our guest guy writer)

Q. I really want to cut off my hair, but my boyfriend loves it long. Why are guys obsessed with long hair? And, how can I convince him that I’ll still look cute with a pixie do?
- Lady Godiva, Irvine, CA

A. Clearly your boyfriend is no Hemingway. Yes, the legendary man’s man was crazy for women with short hair, and he often encouraged his long-haired ladies to cut it all off. I dated several women who did the same, and they all found the change empowering. Perhaps this is what disturbs some men…when their woman shears her long locks, she sheds one of the most classic identifiers of femininity and becomes…a boy?

Nonsense. When a woman gets a pixie cut – it emphasizes her face, her eyes, her neck and even her body. Do you remember Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies? (wow!) No wonder so many women find a short cut empowering – and it sounds like you’re ready for the transformation.

I’m guessing you’ve already shown him photos of famous short-haired beauties such as Rihanna, Halle Berry, Jean Seberg (see above photo) and, of course, Louise Brooks. He’s still not convinced? Then there’s probably only one way to prove it – and that’s to go ahead and cut it. Do it. Prove him wrong and please yourself.

Bra Fit Issues

Question: I just watched you on ABC talking about getting a great fit with your bras. I am having a difficult time finding anyone to help me. I am an older woman..74 this coming September. My husband passed away 5 1/2 years ago in a few months after his passing I lost 100pounds. My problem is bras. I was fitted not too long ago and was told I am a 36 C or B. I have size 38 and they feel snug. I just purchased three Bali bras size 38 C and they too feel snug around my body and the cups too large with some puckering. I am going to try a 40 B. Any help would be great?
Sincerely,
Donna

Alison: First off, each bra style can fit differently. Are you trying the same style or are you trying different bra styles? Here are some of my thoughts on styles: If you’re concerned about the shape of your breasts, you should definitely try a light foam cup. A compressed foam bra will not add any size but will give you a nice even, rounded shape.

Have a question for Alison? Email [email protected]

From the Poor House to the Pour House

by Marcello (our guest guy writer)

Q. So I’d love to date more often, but I work from home and don’t make a lot of money. I have to be frugal so going out several times a week to bars is not an option for meeting guys. Any suggestions?
- Victoria, New York City

A. Don’t make frugality a reason to stay home. You have to make yourself available. The good news is that you a lot of options and they’re not all bars. Bars are fine when you want to hang with your friends. But for meeting new people – with all the distractions, noise and competition – not so much. And remember, where there is alcohol there are beer goggles.

Real connections develop through shared interests and activities. Join a club. Take a class. Go to a few parties (even when you don’t want to go out). While you work from home, is there an option to go to an office every now and then, if only to reach out and touch other living beings? The point is to make the effort to get out of your habitual comfort zone, i.e. your home/office cave and prove to the world – and to yourself – that you exist.

All of these options, by the way, cost little money and can only benefit you whether you meet someone or not. Save your bar tab cash to spend on a hot dress or new haircut. When you do go out for drinks, he’ll be paying.

Leave Your Husband Out Of It

by Marcello (our guest guy writer)

Q. I’ve gained weight since I got married, and sometimes it makes me feel very unsexy. My husband still thinks I’m sexy and loves making love to me, but I have a strange feeling that he’s ‘just being nice’ and would rather have me thinner. I’ve heard that you should never say “I feel fat” to a man because then he might start thinking you are. I try not to talk about my weight gain and get upset about it around him, but sometimes I can’t help it—in a way I feel like I have to acknowledge it. Any advice?
–Voluptuous plus, Chicago, IL

A. It sounds as though the only one getting hurt here is you. You’re the one who’s upset. You’re the one with all the hidden fears. What if you took your husband’s answer at face value – that he still thinks you’re sexy? You’re left with what’s really at issue: you don’t like the way you look.

If your weight gain makes you feel “very unsexy” then what’s stopping you from taking up exercise and losing that weight? You seem to be craving change, so don’t use your husband as a reason (or an excuse) to do or not do something.

Your husband sounds like a great guy. If I were him I would want to know what you’re really feeling. You don’t need his approval to feel better about yourself, but you can enlist his support. If the goal is to create a sexier, slimmer (and most importantly) a more self-aware you – he’d be a fool not to find a way to help.

Q. When do I need to buy maternity clothes?

Alison: That is one of the first questions many women ask after discovering they are pregnant. Many moms-to-be can wear their normal clothes throughout their first trimester. If this is not your first pregnancy, you may need maternity clothes earlier.

If you unbutton the top button of your jeans or pants when you sit down, it is time for maternity pants. You can start out by purchasing a Bella Band to allow you to wear your regular pants or jeans longer. If your tummy is starting to peek out of the bottom of your tops, it is time for a longer top. It is important to remember that buying comfortable clothes sooner rather than later will make buying new clothes worth your money.

You can also follow in the footsteps of celebrities such as Nicole Richie. She opts for non-maternity empire-waist dresses, stretchy skirts and jersey tops. With today’s styles, you could easily get away with buying non-maternity tops and dresses. I would suggest, however, splurging on maternity jeans, pants and a couple of maternity shirts.

Not to do
Being a fashionable mom-to-be is easier than you think. All it requires is that you listen to your inner fashionista and avoid these top 5 fashion mistakes.

1. Forgetting your personal style: Don’t start wearing tailored maternity dresses if your pre-pregnancy wardrobe consisted of jeans and flowy tops. Find maternity clothes that are the style you love, but cut to fit your pregnant body.

2. Waiting too long to buy maternity clothes: You will be more comfortable and get more bang for your buck if you buy clothes that fit well before you start popping out of them.

3. Buying all your maternity clothes at once: It is impossible to tell exactly how your body will look at Week 28 when you are at Week 12. Buy a few pieces as your body changes, but hold off on buying everything at once (especially with maternity bras).

4. Wearing large “tent-like” dresses : Avoid the tent look through buying clothes that fit and gently hug your growing bump. Look for details like an empire-waist with a tie back or side-shirring to give your body form and style.

5. Not pampering yourself: You will feel more put together and sexy if you indulge yourself a little and get a pedicure and a fabulous haircut.

Q. I am 5’6″ and weigh 135. I have had two children with one being a c-section and I have a small “pouch” left from the surgery. I do not like the way it looks in the current clothing I have. Do you have any advice on cute tops and shorts/pants that will cover the pouch and not make me look like I am pregnant again? I wear about a size 8.
-Belly Banish

Alison: You want to look for pants and shorts that aren’t on the down low, meaning: skip low-rise styles. Jeans and pants that sit on your waist will give you a slimmer appearance. Look for bottoms that have a little Lycra to give you room to breathe while helping to slim. Check out Not Your Daughter’s Jeans, they have an endless variety that will slim your tummy. Don’t let the name throw you, these are not “mom jeans ”, these are stylish bottoms that will give you good tummy tuck control.

Don’t forget about the infinite intimate apparel options that can help flatten your tummy so you can still wear what you want on the outside. Look at choices from Spanx, Barely There and Donna Karan The Body Perfect Collection which you can find at barenecessities.com and figleaves.com . Also, check out our style recipe Underneath It All for more slimming ideas.

As for tops, empire-waisted tops can hide a tummy, but be aware that too much extra fabric can also billow out and make you look pregnant. Look for tops that have a bit of stretch again and be sure the tops are long enough to cover your stomach fully without rising up.

What’s Inside a Good Girl?

by Marcello (our guest guy writer)

Q. How can you tell a “good girl” when you see one? Then: what do you tell her?
- M.J., Maine

A. “good girl” is not always what one might think. She’s not square, nor is she a prude (the endurance of her chastity shouldn’t define her). Don’t be fooled by how she dresses either as they aren’t all librarians. What makes a girl “good” is her character, not her looks.

A good girl will try new things. She’ll meet you halfway. She’s sensitive, willing to listen and eager to challenge, but she is respectful of others and demands the same. A good girl won’t beg. She won’t chase a guy. A man has to invite her to join in. If he shares something of himself she’ll do the same.

Above all – a good girl is honest. Not unlike what the Irish call “a good man,” this kind of woman is a great listener, a straight-talker and not one to impose her will unjustly. There are a lot of them out there.

So, what does a man say to a good girl? I recommend saying “hello.” If he’s a good guy…the rest will take care of itself.

Q. I am getting married in six months and I have picked out a nice dress that my bridesmaids will be able to get plenty of wear out of. The problem is, one of my girls likes it so much she wants to go ahead and wear it to an event next month. I will not be able to attend, but she, her husband, and my fiance will be going. Is it tacky for me to ask her not to wear the dress until after she has worn it in my wedding? I picked this dress specifically because I thought it was classy and could be worn again, but not before the wedding! Am I being ridiculous?
-To Wait or Not To Wait

Alison: Call your girlfriend and request that she hold off on wearing the dress until your wedding day. Not only does it seem to pull away some of the initial glory from your special day, but what if the unforeseen mishap occurs like spilled wine, food stains or a ripped seam? Tell her that, while you understand the expense involved in buying the dress and your purpose was to make sure that the dress has an afterlife, you’d like it to occur after the wedding and to please respect your wishes.

Q. I am 30 y/o and will be going on vacation to Europe in 2 weeks. I have to dress to impress the people who will meet me while I want to be comfortable and stylish on the plane. I am thinking about wearing leggings with a tunic, flats and trench coat. But I would like to add a cardigan since it might be cold on the plane. Do you have any suggestions?
- Cold Case

Alison: A tunic, leggings and flats are the ideal travel wardrobe for a trip to Europe. You’ll be comfortable and will avoid any constricting clothing that may dig into your skin like jeans. Plus leggings are a good choice as a stylish compression garment to help with the blood flow in your legs. Bring along a light wrap like one from Love Quotes, to wear when the trench is not needed. Look for cardigan styles from J. Crew and White + Warren for longer versions to give full coverage and match the length of you tunic.

Q. How to know what color clothing is best for you? And what colors to stay
away from?

Alison: This largely depends on skin tone and hair color. This can be figured out a bit through trial and error. A person with very pale skin should avoid pastels. I find that many blondes look great in a range of blues and pinks while dark and olive skin tones look enhanced in jewel tones like purple, burgundy and deep greens and generally don’t look washed out in browns like some of us.