Ask Alison

Q. I’m getting married on July 1st and uncertain what to give my four bridesmaids as gifts. I’d like to stick to a budget of $100 for each friend. Help, I don’t want to disappoint them.
-Giddy about Getting Married

Alison: Don’t over think your gift giving. Remember that this is your wedding and a focused, prepared gift can be easily achieved and loved by all your friends without blowing your budget. Also, don’t assume the gift has to be a part of or worn on the wedding day.

Since your wedding is in July, I have two suggestions: one that focuses on summer fun and one that is truly indicative of their styles.

1-Purchase canvas tote bags like the much loved ones from Lands’ End and have them monogrammed for each of your bridesmaids. Then fill each with a big over sized beach towel , a cute photo album (include a special photo of you and your friend on the first page), flip flops and an inexpensive sunless tanner . All together these items should total about $100 spent for each girl.

2-Give a piece of jewelry that will be treasured and fits each girl’s style. Choose a pretty necklace, a beaded bracelet or dangly earrings that will dazzle with many outfits in your friend’s wardrobe. When buying jewelry for about $100 or less for each bridesmaid, don’t fret if one item is $99 and another is $60. The point is that you’re giving a gift that you believe they’ll enjoy.

Q. How do you know if a garment fits?

Alison: When it doesn’t bunch up, crease, ride up, pull at the buttons, show off your undergarments or expose too much skin. Clothes should lie smoothly on your body while additionally defining your shape. And with the right intimates and shape wear a woman could look up to 10 pounds slimmer. Bras need to give lift and support and different bras work for various looks. Every girl needs a “t-shirt” bra that is smooth under thin fabrics. And there are plenty of panty choices to effortlessly avoid VPL (visible panty lines).

Get back with the ex…or give it a rest?

by Marcello (our guest guy writer)

Q: My ex called recently and told me he’s been missing me for years. We dated five years ago for about six months and I fell hard for him and was heartbroken when we broke up. He’s much younger and while there were some habits he had I didn’t like, he was still adorable.

Since he called we’ve gone on two dates. And on both dates he’s already talked about marriage, kids and being with me. It’s hard not to slip back into thoughts of how much I liked him years ago. He already asked to stay over my place and I told him I want to take it slow. Should I be wary? My friends are supporting me with this, but they also are concerned he may be just telling what I want to hear to get me into bed. What do you think?
- Falling Again, Chicago

A: I hope his impatience wasn’t one of the flaws that broke you two up in the first place. While a fast-track seduction probably can’t be ruled out as his motive – for now, let’s assume his intentions are pure – that he really is serious about getting serious with you. So, how do you feel about him?

You’ve mentioned falling hard for this guy in the past – but nothing about how you feel about him now. Do you want the same things you did back then? Does he still turn you on? If you want to take things slow – that’s completely understandable. Respecting your needs (and your reticence at this sudden turn of events) should be first on his agenda. First item on your agenda? Be clear about what you want. If he’s still it, go for it. There’s no law that says you have to marry him right away, is there?
Five years is a long time to be apart. But it can also be a good enough time to start over. Don’t try to recover the past (that’s advice for both of you). Live for the here and now. The speed at which you both re-engage should be in sync, not based on only one person’s schedule.

Q. What should my 26 year old son wear to a beach wedding in San Diego?

-Beach Boy

Alison- Beach weddings are generally a more casual, colorful affair and men should avoid dark colors. Best looks are khaki, cream or tan lightweight dress pants or linen pants worn with a colorful button down shirt. He can wear a full light colored lightweight suit or linen sport coat with a colorful shirt and tie (or no tie), but he may be hot at the beach. And consider wearing nice leather thong sandals to maneuver through the sand. If the reception heads indoors, then have a pair of dress shoes to change into.

Q. I am going to be a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding this fall. She is letting us choose the style of the dress but she chose the color. Cool, I thought. The problem is that my size is not my size. Ok, I wear a 6 or 8 in all my pants, jeans, suits and dresses whether it’s Joe’s Jeans, Moschino, Gap, BCBG, or Cynthia Vincent, etc. BUT the dress people at David’s Bridal told me my size is a 14! I’m flipping out. I could never fit into a 14. I’m 137 pounds. So tell me, what is with these gown companies?
-Schizophrenic Sizing

Alison: Ouch! You’re not the first to have that “sticker shock” when reading the size label on the dresses or have the bridal salesperson looking at your body and suddenly claim a size horrifically larger than you’ve ever seen grace your curves. It seems cruel. BUT, don’t get hung up on the size of your dress. Do you think you’re going to get a shake down at the wedding and someone’s going to scream out the size on the label? Most bridal designers offer their dresses in larger sizes with the assumption that the dresses for both bride and bridesmaid will be tailored to specifically fit her body shape, whether it be to hold and support larger breasts and a slim waist or fit a girl with a small bust, but with curvy hips and thighs. So stop flipping out and know that you won’t get the pat down and be forced to divulge the size to your friends and, perhaps, beau.

Q. I’m attending an evening wedding in May, I have been a “Mom” for the past 5 1/2 years so I have been out of the fashion world and have not been to many events. The dress is black with an ivory modern spiral scribble print, scooped neckline and tank straps, pleated bodice, inset waist panel and full, softly pleated skirt. My shoes are an open-toe pump in black patent leather.

In my day…I’m 40 years old…sheer black pantyhose would be worn with a black cocktail dress. I’ve noticed in catalogs and online shopping sites it looks like no pantyhose is in. So my question is should I wear pantyhose with my dress, and if yes what color?
-In My Day

Alison: Long question with a short answer: go bare legged. You’re only 40 and that’s not old! Feel free to use “in my day” when you hit 75.

Q. I’ve just taken a new position with a company that will require quite a bit of business travel. Any tips for a girl that will soon be lugging a laptop to multiple cities?
-Hotel Hopping

Alison: I, too, am a girl on the go and have learned several ways to try to make life a little more comfortable while visiting multiple cities. Get yourself a good bag that has multiple pockets for just about everything. With pockets you’ll be able to find essentials faster. And consider skipping a leather bag since it will get scuffed up faster with all the shoving underneath the seat in front of you on the plane. I used to buy a new big bag each season at TJ Maxx or Marshalls since they have so many designer labels, but I’d be bummed when they got dirty. I have been using a travel bag from Baggallini for the last six months and it’s saved me plenty of shoulder pain. The bag fits my laptop inside the bag so I don’t have to carry another bag just for my computer plus holds magazines, a book, and all my other essentials like snacks and toiletries that I carry on board. I bought the bag on ebags.com and it comes in multiple colors choices plus has a pull up handles and wheels. I was very picky on finding a stylish bag that fit under the seat, saved me carrying anything extra and didn’t look stodgy.

When booking hotels using online sites, request a quiet room on a high floor away from elevator . Nothing makes for a bad night sleep with an early wake up than listening to the elevator opening all night, the ice machine chugging and noise from the freeway outside your window. Also, a room on a higher floor can mean quiet and safety for a woman.

Don’t give up your workout, just find new routines to do on the road . Most hotels have fitness centers, bring along your swimsuit for a pool workout, ask the hotel for a nearby park with running trails or bring a stretch band and workout in your room and do walking lunges down the hotel hallways (I’ve gotten over the embarrassment factor).

When your meetings are over or after you’ve checked in, get out of the hotel and explore the city . This is easy when you’re doing business in a big city like San Francisco, Chicago or New York. Skip the car and walk around. Portland has the waterfront to explore, you can walk around West Hollywood in LA, get a cupcake at Toast, shop the boutiques on Third Ave and hike in Runyon Canyon or head to the fisherman’s wharf in Seattle and try several food options from various vendors and stop by the aquarium. The point is, don’t get stuck in your hotel room every time. It’s inevitable in some cities when you’ll have to do with room service and the TV, but if you can get to a local restaurant, then indulge that time with a good book. If you’ll be choosing from the room service menu, then check to see if the hotel has any restaurants on the property and you can usually choose from their menu, but have it delivered as room service. I’ve indulged that way several times at the Grand Hyatt in Tampa Bay from Armani’s and Oyster Catchers restaurants.

As for traveling on the plane, comfort is crucial. I usually wear the same “uniform” which consists of a stylish t-shirt or button down, pants or dark jeans, a sweater or cardigan (usually thin cashmere), a wrap that works double duty as a blanket and flats or cute kicky sneakers. And I have a blow-up neck roll since it takes up no space in my bag rather than lugging a stuffed one. Always have a good book, paperback is lighter, and a rotating menu of magazines. I’m always tearing out pages of decorating ideas, restaurants to try and a new pair of shoes or jacket to track down. While I have the new iPhone which has helped my business needs tremendously and means I can listen to music without bringing my iPod, I also bring my Archos video recorder. It’s a slightly larger screen than my iPhone and I can download multiple movies and TV shows to watch when my book bores me and the flight seems endless.

Q. Do tight clothes make you look thin or are baggy clothes better?

Alison: Avoid baggy and tight—neither is appealing. Wear clothes that fit your shape and size. Baggy looks sloppy and doesn’t define a shape of the body. Tight clothes will only show off any bulges or flaws. Every designer cuts differently. There is no universal size or cut of clothing. And with the creation of vanity sizing where designers/retailers will cut larger yet put a smaller size on the label means you have to try the clothes on whenever you shop. Shopping should not be a chore. When you have the right skills, shopping can be uplifting and confidence building and needn’t take hours to accomplish a task.

Spend time trying on clothes from a variety of designer or retailers with prices that fit your budget. When you find the right fit and a variety of choices that fit your lifestyle, make those retailer the initial go-to on your list when you need to replenish pieces in your wardrobe or need something new. Shop the inexpensive shops like Forever 21 and H &M when you want to try out a trend. These shops offer “disposable” fashion at a low price. Spend more money on the classics that should last in your closet for years and keep the trends for under $100. When you spend money on quality pieces think in terms of the cost per wear ratio—the price comes down the more often you wear and longer you have the item in your wardrobe.

Q. I am getting married in November (Australia) so it will be coming into summer there. I have 3 bridesmaids and want them to look and feel beautiful on the day, but I am unsure what style dress I can get to suit all of them. Bridesmaid #1 is 5’2, medium-large bust, curvy, with a defined waist and a big bum. Bridesmaid #2 is 5’2, small busted, slim athletic build with a bit of a bum. And my 3rd bridesmaid is average height (5′ 7), large busted, defined waist and a big bum. They all have nice shapely calves and I was wondering if a tea length dress would suit them, or would it cut them off? Am I better off with a full-length dress for them? I am in a full-length gown, which is quite formal and elegant. Will tea length dresses clash with me?
-Bridesmaid Dress Dilemma

Alison: I hope to help you and other brides-to-be with dress shopping, as well as help the girls you choose to be in your bridal party. I can’t make this clear enough to brides-to-be: your bridesmaids don’t have to wear the same exact dress to look good on your wedding day. Choosing the same color, fabric and length with just slight variations in the dress style can be the right combination to make everyone happy and allow them to look their best.

For busty girls, look for halter styles or wider straps to hold up and cover a bra better. For “big bum” girls, look for the skirt portion of the dress to be an A-line cut which will help define the waist and hide the bum and thighs. Cocktail or tea length gives girls the best chance of possibly wearing the dress again and makes it easier to hit the dance floor.

Other tips:

• Please, no shades of color (each girl wearing a different color dress-I’ve never seen it work).

• If you choose a black cocktail length dress that is simple and chic, your bridesmaids will have a better chance of wearing it again rather than tossing it in the “I can’t believe she made me wear this” donation pile.

• Choose a dress style that works best for most body shapes. Don’t make a curvy girl wear a column style. A-line dress styles are most flattering. Empire dresses are sweet on slender or proportioned girls, but can make petite girls look too young and other girls look pregnant.

• No dyeable shoes. Consider giving a shoe color choice to your bridesmaids and let them buy their own. Some girls can’t wear a really high heel while others wouldn’t attend a party without them. They may already have that color in their wardrobe and it will lessen the burden on their bank account.

• You can make suggestions of jewelry, but unless you’re giving the girls a gift of jewelry to wear with their dresses, don’t expect them to buy accessories as well. If you do give your bridesmaids gifts, please try to mix it up by choosing various colors or slightly different gifts so they all don’t feel or look like clones.

• Don’t make your bridesmaids spend a fortune on the dress. Every girl doesn’t have a bundle to pay for a dress, heels, gifts galore, bridal shower, bachelorette party and perhaps travel costs. Be kind to their cash flow.

• Don’t ask every girl you think is your good friend to be a bridesmaid. Many hope to just come to your wedding and have a good time in their own dress choice without additional responsibilities.

Q. I am getting married in North Carolina in early October of this year. I am having a formal wedding and I wanted to know what ideas you can share with me for the informal rehearsal dinner the night before?

-Informal for Formal

Alison: Instead of having the typical dinner at a restaurant, which seems the norm these days, why not go for the fun factor and have a “clambake” in someone’s backyard? You can usually order the clambake “buckets” at gourmet food shops. Grill up corn on the grill and offer beer and wine chilled on ice in big buckets. Fill a backyard with oversized beach blankets, we love the ones at landsend.com and pile pillows for comfort. Put together a play list of music on your iPod of beach music from old Beach Boys and the Go-Gos to newer tunes. Perhaps even set up a volleyball net and croquet.

Or, skip dinner and have your rehearsal guests join you for afternoon tea. While they serve little sandwiches, no one ever seems to go hungry with the sandwiches, cakes, sweets and more that they pile on those multiple tiered serving dishes. And you can choose hot teas or iced tea.

For another casual, fun party, you could create your own mini Olympics by creating teams, having each guest wear a colored sash for their team and come up with games including baton races, sack races, hula hoop timing, count basketball shots in a minute and have chocolate medallions as prizes to signify gold, silver and bronze.

As a party favor you could offer a retro candy table, check out candycrate.com , and guests can fill up Chinese takeout containers that can be found at party stores with their favorite sweets.

Or, have a wine and cheese tasting party. Contact a good local wine shop or speak to a sommelier at one of your favorite restaurants to set up wine and cheese pairings. You can set up the get together at a happy hour time rather than the usual dinner hours. Have the wine merchant or sommelier guide people through the tastings and have all the accoutrements available like good baguettes, nuts, dried fruits and fruit pastes to work with the cheese.