by Marcello (our guest guy writer)

Q: My boyfriend and I had a huge fight last night. It was our 4 month anniversary, and he was saying how he was so happy to be with me and even though we fight, he wasn’t going anywhere. Then after dinner he got angry at me. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to be with me anymore, and after I left I called him on the phone, and he kept calling me a retard. It sounds like he doesn’t respect me at all, but I’m so attached to him, and I don’t know why. I probably should break up with him, but I just can’t seem to do it. I don’t understand why I like him so much.
- Anonymous, CA

Dear Anonymous:
I don’t understand why you like him so much, either. Perhaps it’s the charge you get from making up after all those fights you seem to have? Maybe you like hearing him promise that he’s “not going anywhere.” It sounds as though much of your time together has been spent in breakup mode. Isn’t four months supposed to be a honeymoon period?

What’s most disturbing is his ugly, dismissive attitude toward you. Who calls his girlfriend a ‘retard’? A creep, that’s who. Not only is that an offensive remark, it demonstrates a profound unwillingness on his part to take you, and your relationship seriously.

Let’s face it, when this guy tells you he’s here to stay, it’s only to keep you quiet. He’s trying to break up with you, but you won’t let him. So now it’s your choice to make – and the right time to make it. Dump the chump.

Have a question of your own to ask our guy? Send it to Marcello at [email protected]

Question: How can we tactfully encourage my daughter, Mary’s soon to be FMIL and SIL to have their hair & make-up done for photos & the wedding? They normally like “the natural look”. I have set up hairdresser and make-up to come to the bridal suite to specifically work on the close relatives. Also, how do I approach payment for themselves?
-Donna, NY

Alison: Awkward is right! First let me ease some of your concern by saying that the majority of posed wedding photos with family are full length which means that you won’t be able to see up close whether makeup is good or not. Instead it will just come across whether they are attractive or not. And that’s for others to judge. Also, when it comes to choosing photos that will be printed larger to be displayed in frames in your daughter’s home with her husband, I guarantee that besides one or two photos with family or bridesmaids/groomsmen the prints that she will choose will be her favorites of just her and her husband. You may end up choosing a few photos to display in your home as well, but again you’ll choose the prints that have you and your daughter looking best because let’s be honest-that’s what’s most important to you. As for all the photos that end up in the album, you and your daughter will look at it often once it’s completed, but after friends have seen it when they happen to be at the house, the excitement will die down and then it will be brought out just once in a while. Again, it’s the photos that are hung on the walls or in frames on display that will be seen and those will likely be just bride and groom.

So I hope that helps diminish some of the wedding stress.

Next is the phone call or face to face with the in-law members you’d like to get H & M done. The best way to approach these women is to join them in on the excitement of the wedding preparations. Example: “Hi Jane, we’re so excited about Mary’s upcoming wedding so she and I wanted to join you and your mom in on the beauty of that day. She and the bridesmaids are getting their H & M done and we were able to get a great deal on all of us getting similar treatment. I don’t know about you, but I’m no pro with a makeup brush so when they offered a deal to help us look good in the photos I thought it was a great idea. And I know Mary wants us all to join in on the glamour part of the day. The H & M team quoted me a price of $$ per person. I wish I could pay for all of us and I know that H & M can be pricey, but we’d love for you to be with us when we’re all getting ready. A true girl, ok some of older broads, bonding experience. I’ll bring the champagne and we can sip the bubbly while we get ready.

Donna, while you want everyone to look fabulous, this invite you offer to the in-law ladies should focus on the bonding time while prepping and the glamour that we all don’t get a chance to partake in regularly. If they say yes, you must include them in the group experience or else you face backlash of the having them feel like the ugly stepsister.

So what happens if they balk at the price? You’re next step is with grace and tact to let them know you’d like to pay half the price to have them be a part of it. (And that means more money out of your pocket.) You can’t pressure them to pay or get H & M done if they don’t want to do it. And nobody wants an uncomfortable wedding day. And while you may not care what they say behind your back it will be tense if you pressure them. So if they say no, then with a smile say, “We’ll miss you and your mom behind the scenes, but look forward to us all looking fabulous for the photos.” I’m sure they’ll get the hint and hopefully take a little more time getting ready for Mary’s wedding.

It’s hard enough to get to the gym, but when everyone else around you looks hipper, chicer and better than you in your old school sweats then it’s time to make a change in your workout wardrobe. It helps to get a little butt lift or your bit of sagginess or cellulite completely hidden under good exercise clothes.

Before you head to the gym, focus on your body via your closet. What’s in there and what do you need to help elevate your motivation. First on your list should be excellent fitting yoga style pants. A stretchy pair of boot cut or ankle hugging pants that are thick enough to smooth out your flaws and comfortable enough for you to do activities from downward dog to a roundhouse kick. Surely some of the best pants on the market are from the incredibly popular Lululemon. They make everybody’s butt look good—Seriously! I don’t care if you’re single or married we all want compliments on our body and when your girlfriend or your husband says, “You look good,” it motivates us. So for leg smoothing and butt lifting turn to the Groove Pant or Wunder Under pant from Lululemon.

As for tops look for full tank style tops that have the bra built in or choose sports bras to layer t-shirts and tanks over. When it comes to a sports bra, skip the small, medium and large sizing and look for brands that are offered in actual bra sizes like 34B. You’ll get a better fit rather than the uniboob effect. I’m a fan of Champion styles like their Power Sleek Bra for the better fit.

We headed to KTLA in Los Angeles and put our top picks on great gals!

Erin Daffern
Pilates Instructor, ThatPilatesPlace.com
Lululemon.com ($98) Groove pant and WunderUnder pants-are two of the best styles to improve the look of your butt and smooth from tummy through thigh.
Championusa.com ($25) Double dry sports tank with built in bra
Crocs.com ($50) Toning skylar flat. Through sassy sling-back flats the Skylar style allows women to realize the benefits of a leg shaping/toning shoe without sacrificing style and comfort.
Magic Circle from Target.com ($29.99)—for Pilates fans-increase the intensity of your workout.

For workout wear that goes from the gym to running errands without screaming the gym check out the favorite of celebs, Reese Witherspoon, Julia Roberts and Courtney Cox from IamBeyond.com

Robin Wendell
Trainer, RobinFitness.com
IamBeyond.com ($71) Flattering tops and bottoms for every shape. Quilted leggings, $71, Shirred Cami, $73 and super soft Long Curve jacket, $121. Workout wear that can go from class to errands and about town without looking like you just came for the gym.
Crocs.com ($30) Kadee slip on.
I used TheFind.com mobile app and found this great item.
Trainermat.com ($29.99)—Trainer mat has 10 exercises with three levels of intensity and trainer ball has 12 diagrams of core strengthening exercises, each $29.99. Illustrations of exercises printed on the mat and ball to give you a great workout.

If you didn’t embrace them before then it’s time to add Legg’s Profile, Spanx, Assets and other shapewear to your wardrobe. It doesn’t matter if you’re a size 2 or 12, shapewear helps hide and diminish those pesky flaws for everyone. For the winter months tummy toning, butt lifting opaque tights are genius for smoothing out lumps and bumps from your butt, hips and tummy. Plus many brands have regular and high waist versions, or choose the leggings version compared to other cotton style leggings that end up baggy at the knees.

Another great layering piece to add to your wardrobe is the slimming tank from YummieTummie.com. It has tummy toning section built into the tank.

Danielle Gruen
Yummie Tummie.com ($68) tank with built in shaping and slimming
Leggs.com ($7) Profiles tummy toner with anti-cellulite tights. Firm control top with all natural ingredients to reduce appearance of cellulite.
Cardigan, pencil skirt and heels from WhiteHouseBlackMarket.com

The new Skinny Shirt is the must have layering piece to slim you and smooth out your clothes. With this new innovation you get the look of a classic button front shirt mixed with cotton, nylon and spandex and a way to layer under your favorite cashmere sweater without adding any bulk. With this shirt as your layering piece your sweaters look smoother and you look a wee bit slimmer.

Paula D’Andrea
SkinnyShirt.com ($68) Wear alone or as a layer to look smoother and slimmer instantly.
Levis.com ($59.50) Curve ID jeans. The fit accentuates your waist, flatters your curves and lengthens your silhouette – all without gapping, pinching or revealing. Slim through the thigh, and then widens at the knee to a leg-lengthening boot cut.
Sweater, jacket and belt from BananaRepublic.com
Heels from WhiteHouseBlackMarket.com

For a few simple tricks to hide the extra pounds you may have accumulated over the holidays look to your own closet for help. Avoid crewneck sweaters and opt for v-necks. Crewnecks add more bulk to busty girls and are rarely flattering while v-neck tops and sweaters create the illusion of length, show off the neck and collarbone and bring the eye upward. Skip necklace that resemble anything like a choker or are high on the neck or above your collarbone. Just like v-necks wear necklaces that are slightly longer to elongate your look. I prefer necklaces with chains or beaded strands that total 18 inches or more. Avoid boxy jackets and look for jackets with princess seams and tailoring that help hug your sides to create a waist. Add more belts to your outfits to define your waist and curves. If you can bear it, wear heels more often. Even a kitten heel will help make you look taller and slightly slimmer. And if you feel the weight has gone to your belly then avoid low-rise jeans, which will make it more likely that your belly will get exposed when you walk or hang out on top of the jeans when you sit. Instead choose mid-rise for a quick flattening effect.

This would have been so useful when I lived in a small apartment, but couldn’t give up riding my bike around the city. Chris Brigham came up with a stylish solution. While visiting many of his friends in small apartments in SF and more so in NY, he noticed that there is a void when it comes to elegant bike management. Bikes always get in the way – either in the hall, or leaning up against a bookshelf or something. So he decided to design something to fix that problem. He calls it simply, the Bike Shelf. So get your bikes up off the ground whether high or low. Check it out for yourself at, www.knifeandsaw.com

So into fashion you wish you could decorate your walls with it? Ever wonder what a stylish photo might look if replicated into thousands of small images? Why wonder when you can see how fashion photographer Rachel de Joode has invented her own way to cover entire walls with her work, full of charming, rhythmic patterns.

When you first walk into a room you see a powerful design, move closer and you see fashion models in various poses showing off the glamour and sophistication of fashion photography. Four different collections are currently available on SoonSaloon.com including these photos of her Les Hors D’Oeuvres collection featuring such delicious names as Angel Cake, Honey Pie, Strawberry Souffle and Petit Fours. After doing a simple search on TheFind.com, I also found several styles available from Viesso.com.

Remember that style is very different from fashion. Find what works for you whether it be classic, eclectic, edgy, romantic and go full throttle.

Making Plans

by Marcello (our guest guy writer)

Q: I’ve been dating this guy for about a month – and every time we make arrangements to get together he asks me what I want to do or where we should go. Why is he asking me all the time? Call me old-fashioned, but I think a man should know what he wants to do and where to take me. Am I crazy?
- Mary, Coldwell, NJ

A: From the tone of your question, Mary, I’m wondering if he isn’t a bit intimidated. I should think that if he were the one who asked you out in the first place, he would have had an idea of what he wanted to do on the first date. Did you reject his ideas out of turn?

There’s nothing wrong with a man wanting to inquire what you might like to do or eat – especially if you don’t know each other. If, however, after a few dates he continually defers to you to make the call he’s either:
a. concerned you won’t like his choices
b. a wimp
c. both

If you like him, despite his lack of creative input, take a moment to ask him about it. Tell him that you would like to hear his thoughts on the matter – and that you will agree to join him. You never know…perhaps he’s been sitting on a vast wellspring of activities – and now that you have made it clear you’re willing to hear them – a flood of exciting possibilities will be unleashed onto your calendar(s).

Have a question of your own to ask our guy? Send it to Marcello at [email protected]

I dressed actress, Emily Bergl from Desperate Housewives for the Hollywood Foreign Press and In Style pre-Golden Globes party in a lavender beaded cocktail dress by Rachel Gilbert.

The Big Holiday Gift Guide for your office mate, your mom, your man and the hostess. I used that awesomely huge site, TheFind.com to find the best prices on my favorite gifts, plus a great sweet idea for the whole family from my favorite one stop shop, TJ Maxx.

Does your Hostess love to toil in the dirt and let you enjoy the fruits and vegetables of her labor? Then give her a sassy new set of garden tools and add in packets or seeds or flower bulbs. Wild and Wolf Garden Tools for $35 from AldeaHome.com

How about a red hot beret or be pretty in pink because it doesn’t matter what time of year it is. Hat’s are all about attitude. Wear it slouchy all year, cover up messy hair or pack it for your trip to Europe. From Kanokwalee for $42 at Etsy.com

If you don’t have the time or patience to pull out your knitting needles, but want a gift that looks homemade. You know what I’m talking about-a gift that looks like you were crafty on par with Martha Stewart then check out these stylish needlepoint belt buckles from Needle You for $35 from Etsy.com

Cubebot Made from sustainably harvested cherry wood, Cubebots’s powerful frame can hold many poses, and his elastic-band muscles and durable wood limbs make him impervious to breakage. When it’s time for him to rest, he folds into a perfect cube. An enduring classic that will withstand generations of play. $35 from Michelevarian.com

More than just an overnight guest? This is the pricier gift for the person who’s home is offering you shelter for the holidays. This gets you—“Sure stay again next year.” For $98 you can choose from a variety of simple monograms to bold stripes and shapes to monogram on a stylish tote from Shopiomoi.com. This is also an Oprah favorite and now it’s mine as well.

Hand over the party as a gift. From dysfunctional bingo to a spitball dartpad your gift will guarantee plenty of laughs. If there’s drinking involved offer an opportunity for everyone to let their taste buds do the judging with rate that wine and beer tastings and even the hangover kit. These are fun, inexpensive gifts scouted on TheFind from $3-14 by Knockknock.biz.

Bring the sweets to your sweet friends in multi flavors like Candied Bacon, Cinnamon Pistachio Carmel Fleur De Sel and Red Velvet. MacaronParlour.etsy.com-box of 6 for $14, box of 9, $20

I’m a fan of giving a useful gift, but with a twist. On Etsy.com I found Aheirloom and their wooden cutting boards that they cut to shape like your favorite state. So if your mom left her heart in San Francisco order her a cutting board in the shape of California and they will burn a heart where San Francisco would be in the state. For $40 the guy or gal who gets the gift can serve up everything from cheese to fruit to prosciutto.

Channel your inner George Forman for sweets by baking up cupcakes and bring along the easy how-to item that made your job easy. And let me share a shopping tip. Before you purchase a gift do some online research. You’ll likely scope out some great deals. I found this Babycakes cupcake maker on TheFind.com for a variety of price points from $24-40 so of course I chose the lesser price and saved cash to put towards ingredients.

This is a small gift that’s buzzing with sweetness. This silver honeybee will make someone’s morning cup of tea and yogurt that much sweeter. It’s an adorable and quite sophisticated way to scoop out a little syrupy goodness. It’s just $42 from Delight.com.

I love to personalize gifts whether it be monogramming or engraving. But this time, I was looking for something that had to do with a gift for “the cook.” So, I scanned my favorite shopping site, TheFind.com and by searching for personalized gifts I found this serving dish from RedEnvelope.com. You can choose up to 20 letters and for $49.95 you got a gift that compliments your friend who loves to cook.

My simple tip for party goers is when it’s a bigger party always bring two bottles-one for the party and one for the host to enjoy. BUT then I found this cool gift. It’s an electric wine opener with chiller for $30 from JC Penney. Most electric wine openers cost $30 alone, so scoop up this gift and listen for the oohs and aaahs as they quickly open up a bottle of wine and offer you the first glass.

There’s nothing more frustrating than a hostess having to spend all her time in the kitchen while the guests enjoy the party. So when it’s your turn to bring the chips and dip rather than bringing it in Tupperware which means your hostess has to search for a way to serve it plus wash and return your containers later- Bring the dip and chips in a serving dish that you gift to the host. I found multiple styles all affordable for $20 from Kohls.com.

This is the ultimate mini kit filled with 16 essentials to cover just about every fashion mishap and more like fashion tape, clear nail polish and stain remover. It’s a great stocking stuffer and ideal for the office grab bag. They come in a variety of shiny pops of color and when you’ve used all the essentials, which will take awhile, you’ve got a stylish little coin purse. It’s just $12 from MsandMrs.com. You can also find them at Bed, Bath & Beyond.

I find TJ Maxx to be a great one stop shop for so many great items. And for perfect last minute shopping I’m a huge fan of shopping the gourmet food aisles.

My latest tradition is to give a pretty packaged big chocolate bar to everyone at the family dinner festivities. I set a bar at each place setting.