Posts Tagged ‘ask alison’

Question: How can we tactfully encourage my daughter, Mary’s soon to be FMIL and SIL to have their hair & make-up done for photos & the wedding? They normally like “the natural look”. I have set up hairdresser and make-up to come to the bridal suite to specifically work on the close relatives. Also, how do I approach payment for themselves?
-Donna, NY

Alison: Awkward is right! First let me ease some of your concern by saying that the majority of posed wedding photos with family are full length which means that you won’t be able to see up close whether makeup is good or not. Instead it will just come across whether they are attractive or not. And that’s for others to judge. Also, when it comes to choosing photos that will be printed larger to be displayed in frames in your daughter’s home with her husband, I guarantee that besides one or two photos with family or bridesmaids/groomsmen the prints that she will choose will be her favorites of just her and her husband. You may end up choosing a few photos to display in your home as well, but again you’ll choose the prints that have you and your daughter looking best because let’s be honest-that’s what’s most important to you. As for all the photos that end up in the album, you and your daughter will look at it often once it’s completed, but after friends have seen it when they happen to be at the house, the excitement will die down and then it will be brought out just once in a while. Again, it’s the photos that are hung on the walls or in frames on display that will be seen and those will likely be just bride and groom.

So I hope that helps diminish some of the wedding stress.

Next is the phone call or face to face with the in-law members you’d like to get H & M done. The best way to approach these women is to join them in on the excitement of the wedding preparations. Example: “Hi Jane, we’re so excited about Mary’s upcoming wedding so she and I wanted to join you and your mom in on the beauty of that day. She and the bridesmaids are getting their H & M done and we were able to get a great deal on all of us getting similar treatment. I don’t know about you, but I’m no pro with a makeup brush so when they offered a deal to help us look good in the photos I thought it was a great idea. And I know Mary wants us all to join in on the glamour part of the day. The H & M team quoted me a price of $$ per person. I wish I could pay for all of us and I know that H & M can be pricey, but we’d love for you to be with us when we’re all getting ready. A true girl, ok some of older broads, bonding experience. I’ll bring the champagne and we can sip the bubbly while we get ready.

Donna, while you want everyone to look fabulous, this invite you offer to the in-law ladies should focus on the bonding time while prepping and the glamour that we all don’t get a chance to partake in regularly. If they say yes, you must include them in the group experience or else you face backlash of the having them feel like the ugly stepsister.

So what happens if they balk at the price? You’re next step is with grace and tact to let them know you’d like to pay half the price to have them be a part of it. (And that means more money out of your pocket.) You can’t pressure them to pay or get H & M done if they don’t want to do it. And nobody wants an uncomfortable wedding day. And while you may not care what they say behind your back it will be tense if you pressure them. So if they say no, then with a smile say, “We’ll miss you and your mom behind the scenes, but look forward to us all looking fabulous for the photos.” I’m sure they’ll get the hint and hopefully take a little more time getting ready for Mary’s wedding.

Making Plans

by Marcello (our guest guy writer)

Q: I’ve been dating this guy for about a month – and every time we make arrangements to get together he asks me what I want to do or where we should go. Why is he asking me all the time? Call me old-fashioned, but I think a man should know what he wants to do and where to take me. Am I crazy?
- Mary, Coldwell, NJ

A: From the tone of your question, Mary, I’m wondering if he isn’t a bit intimidated. I should think that if he were the one who asked you out in the first place, he would have had an idea of what he wanted to do on the first date. Did you reject his ideas out of turn?

There’s nothing wrong with a man wanting to inquire what you might like to do or eat – especially if you don’t know each other. If, however, after a few dates he continually defers to you to make the call he’s either:
a. concerned you won’t like his choices
b. a wimp
c. both

If you like him, despite his lack of creative input, take a moment to ask him about it. Tell him that you would like to hear his thoughts on the matter – and that you will agree to join him. You never know…perhaps he’s been sitting on a vast wellspring of activities – and now that you have made it clear you’re willing to hear them – a flood of exciting possibilities will be unleashed onto your calendar(s).

Have a question of your own to ask our guy? Send it to Marcello at [email protected]

Ready to Make the Big Leap?

by Marcello (our guest guy writer)

Q. What are some sure fire signs that a guy is ready to take the big leap into living together or even marriage?
- Vicky, Warren, MI

A. If you’re at the stage in a relationship where you’re regularly picking his underwear off the floor, he’s probably already living with you, which is a sure fire sign that you should start asking for rent money.

Moving on to marriage, if he brings up the subject in the positive – the guy is ready – very ready. Does he fix stuff in the house? That’s good. Does he actually remodel it? Even better. Does he voluntarily attend open houses, take you to housewares stores or consult your calendar before making plans? These are all solid gold signs of nesting behavior in the male species. You may now declare open season on marriage discussions. If, however, you observe such behavior in your boyfriend, yet he’s still reticent to talk marriage, he is either:

1. already well into the buying-you-a-ring/planning-where-he’ll-propose stage

2. already married to someone else

3. still dealing with his mommy issues

Don’t worry, it’s probably reason #1.

Go Ahead and Cut It

by Marcello (our guest guy writer)

Q. I really want to cut off my hair, but my boyfriend loves it long. Why are guys obsessed with long hair? And, how can I convince him that I’ll still look cute with a pixie do?
- Lady Godiva, Irvine, CA

A. Clearly your boyfriend is no Hemingway. Yes, the legendary man’s man was crazy for women with short hair, and he often encouraged his long-haired ladies to cut it all off. I dated several women who did the same, and they all found the change empowering. Perhaps this is what disturbs some men…when their woman shears her long locks, she sheds one of the most classic identifiers of femininity and becomes…a boy?

Nonsense. When a woman gets a pixie cut – it emphasizes her face, her eyes, her neck and even her body. Do you remember Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies? (wow!) No wonder so many women find a short cut empowering – and it sounds like you’re ready for the transformation.

I’m guessing you’ve already shown him photos of famous short-haired beauties such as Rihanna, Halle Berry, Jean Seberg (see above photo) and, of course, Louise Brooks. He’s still not convinced? Then there’s probably only one way to prove it – and that’s to go ahead and cut it. Do it. Prove him wrong and please yourself.

Q. I loved wearing my wedding gown on my wedding day. It’s an ivory, strapless, floor-length Nicole Miller gown that I bought in the evening wear section of Nordstrom, so it isn’t super bridal-no lace, beading or tulle, just sleek silk satin. Before I got married, I thought that by buying a white evening gown instead of a wedding dress I’d have more opportunity to wear it again, but anytime I consider wearing it, it seems too bridal. Should I just give up hope of wearing it again and pack it away for future generations, or is there any way I can accessorize it to make it less “here comes the bride?” Thanks for any help, I love your site.
-Always a Bride

Alison: Saving the dress for future generations is risky - a lot of care must be taken to store it properly and you can’t be sure your descendants will want to wear it, so my suggestion is to find a way to wear it again. If you can’t get the wedding march out of your head every time you slip on your white evening gown, consider taking it to a tailor and ask if the fabric can be dyed a darker color. Or have a good tailor shorten the length of the dress to cocktail length and you’ll be assured that the dress will look different. You should make a change since it’s likely that you’ll wish to wear the dress to an event with people who attended your own wedding. Another benefit of making the change is that your dress and wedding memories will always be significant to that day. Have fun mixing up color in your accessories like bejeweled strappy heels, a colorful clutch and dangling earrings. A pretty wrap or fitted cashmere cardigan can also help change the look of the dress.

Dating Fate - or Dating Fear?

by Marcello (our guest guy writer)

Q. I’d like to go on more dates, but I don’t seem to be meeting anyone. While at a friend’s apartment recently I checked out guys on her internet dating site. I wrote to three guys through her connection, saying that I wasn’t her, but I would be interested in chatting. None of them responded. Another girlfriend says it’s because I’m not signed up on the site so guys can’t see my photo or learn about me. She says I should just sign up and give it a try because guys are going to think I have something against internet dating. I don’t want to sign up, but I’d like a date.
- Rachel, San Diego

A. Your girlfriend is right. Nobody’s going to respond to you unless you step forward and say, ‘here I am. This is me.’ Would you respond to a guy who wrote to you while hiding behind his buddy’s online profile?

You can continue relying on fate (no shame in that). But if you really want a date – and fate isn’t playing ball – you have to ask yourself…is what I’m doing working? It’s time to step up and try something new to get what you want. Who knows, if you dare to ask – someone’s bound to answer.

Q. I have a black tie wedding in Chicago. Do I have to wear a long dress?
-Formal Fear

Alison: Black tie does not require wearing a long gown anymore, but the invite does expect you to wear a sophisticated, elegant and feminine dress. Think upscale cocktail dress, with a hem that hits around the knee or just below it. Skip animal prints, white dresses, mini lengths, chunky jewelry and your everyday handbag. Carry a clutch, put on your best jewelry that works with the dress, pull on your heels, walk with good posture and smile often.

Q. I love your website- and especially love reading your advice. So here’s my question for you: I will be traveling to Iceland in May. During this trip I will also be traveling to England, Scotland and Ireland. Can you recommend what to pack for such diverse climates, an easily totable bag since I will be frequently on the move, and a stylish jacket that will keep the wind out and keep me warm without looking like the marshmallow man? I’m in my early 30s-and certainly do not want to look like a tourist! 
-Don’t want to pack a million bags

Alison: I’ve been to all of these countries and I can attest to a need for a coat in all four, though you will need more protection in Iceland. I visited Iceland several years ago during the month of July when they had finally cut a path through the snow up to the ice covered lands and glaciers. If you stay in Reykjavik, you can get away with a warm wool or cashmere blend coat and warm layers. Stick to a 3/4 length coat that hits just above or below your knees so your butt is covered for more warmth. Cashmere or wool blend knee socks, thin layers that insulate like silk long underwear, tights and cashmere turtleneck sweaters are a must to pack.

For the European countries, you’ll get a chance to enjoy Spring. Bring a small umbrella (there’s a reason it’s so green, it rains for short periods often.) The coat design should be simple so it matches more of your wardrobe and can be worn open in warmer temps. Keep it out of your bag so you have more room for clothes and toiletries. Pack only essential toiletries. Wear your boots or sneakers on the plane so you again save room in your bag. A blazer style jacket or short thin trench can work double duty as an indoor jacket when worn with a t-shirt or button down and as outerwear when layered with a sweater underneath.

Q. Would you please clarify whether it is appropriate to wear white to a wedding? I have a dress that is cocktail length in white and has a black 6-inch lace band around the middle. I was planning to wear a black sheer jewel wrap and black shoes. The bride is wearing white and the wedding ceremony is not at a church, but at the reception hall.
- Guest in White

Alison: It’s always best to leave the focus in white on the bride. While your dress has a black band, it would still be better to wear any other color. And unfortunately the accessories are not distraction enough since you may remove the wrap for the festivities.

Hooray for lingerie!

by Marcello (our guest guy writer)

Q. At what point in a new relationship is it safe to take your guy lingerie shopping?
– Shy in South Carolina

A. Lingerie, you ask? YES is the answer. I know of no man who wouldn’t agree that women should wear more lingerie. And shopping for it together is a blast, believe me. It’s important to remember, however, that this trip is not like picking out new tile for the bathroom – it is an opportunity for seduction. Be prepared to try on some things that he’d like to see on you. Be adventurous. Take some risks. Definitely show him a little something while he’s there with you (although not too much, right?) And go at least halfway toward satisfying his fantasies. Here’s something that really drives us wild… wear some of the best stuff right out of the store and then tease us with a few choice glimpses on the way home. Take my advice and I promise, you will see one very happy man driving very quickly.

One last thing…before you leave the store, make sure he pays for it.